Your Heart Was Falling Fast
September 22, 2010
I often think about where people are going when they drive by.
When cars pass me on the road, either when I’m walking or driving as well, I think bout where they’re going, who they’re going to see when they get there and where they’re coming from. It’s an interesting thing, a sad thing, to wonder what adventure lies ahead for that person.
People travel great distances to see the people they love or to do something they’ve never done before. I always fear I’m too scared to have an adventure of my own. See, what people don’t know about me is I am afraid of the world. I feel like a child sometimes, sitting there and wondering why the world the way it is. Why is there so much hate? Why is there so much pain? Sometimes I wonder if that’s what’s keeping me here.
I like to fantasize about where I’d go, or what I would do. It reminds me of all the things I don’t have. It reminds me of the things I’m too scared to leave behind.
I want to get in a car, on a train or a plane and see you. I want to hear your voice again, to touch your soft hands, to feel you next to me again. My heart aches that we’re not together. And what’s stopping me? If you were to call me up today and tell me you needed me, I don’t think I could go. There are too many things to do here.
I don’t have the courage other’s have. If I came to you (or you came to me) we would have to part again. Down the road, would it mean I would have to leave it all behind and star a whole new life for you? Could I do what so many do? Eventually we all have to choose what’s right for us and if leaving behind a world we love and understand is worth starting a new adventure.
As I pass the corn fields, as I fly over the hills and plains and mountains and rivers, all I can think about is if I had a choice, if I had a chance, I’d give it all up for you. I’m sure those countless people I pass on the streets, or I meet on planes, are thinking the same thing. If they had the chance, they’d give it all up for someone else too. They would leave behind everything just to see the face of the person they love. They wouldn’t second guess or question. They would get in their car and just drive.
I would give it all up and just drive for you. All you have to do is ask.
And that scares me.
